True Blood: Advice to the Characters.

Dear Mr. Ball. 

 It recently occurred to me that your characters are really in need of some counseling.  I have had years of experience.  If you would be so kind as to pass on the following notes,  I would personally appreciate it:

•  Sookie:  stop whining,  for God's sake.  Decide between Bill and Erik,  get laid,  and get out of our lives.
• Jason:  Stay out of trailer parks.  You pick the worst female companionship.  Find a nice Jewish girl,  sip some chicken soup,  and do what you do best. 
• Bill: you are developing a vagina as we speak.  As an undead person,  you can get all of the action you want,  so what do you do...you whine and cry blood over the Sookmeister.  Man up you vampire bitch!
• Erik:  frankly,  you da' man!  But...you have this Sookie thing.  For God's sake,  man up and either keep on living the life I dream of...or just bite a Jewish girl,  eat some chicken soup,  and live like the rest of us.
• Sam:  two pieces of advice.  Your brother is a bad seed...give up on him....you have this Sookie thing.  For God's sake,  man up and either keep on living the life I dream of...or just marry a Jewish girl,  eat some chicken soup,  and live like the rest of us.
• Jessica:  you were bitten by a poor vampire father figure.  Bill may be your vampire Dad but he is messed up by Sookie.  You just stay perfect ...just as you are.  By the way,  find out how to get rid of that virgin vampire problem.  Also,  you need some serious therapy otherwise the next thousand years will be bipolar.
• Lafayette:  What is it with your wardrobe guy???  You look like a color blind crack whore!  Go to Barney's,  get some nice threads,  and get some reasonable gay action (which I do not want to see).  
• Tara:  you have too many issues for most viewers.  You are also a very boring character so go away!
• Pam:  we have to see more of you! The perfect vampire fem fa-tale.  Just bite me and do with me as you wish.
• Russell: You are a perfect evil machine.  Don't change a thing.

....Sleepless

True Blood Rant

Dear Mr. Ball,
You had it all in this series.  You had vampires, virgin sacrifice, shape shifters, Menaeds worshiping alcohol induced sex orgies, girl-on-girl vampires, white trash biker meth werewolves, trailer park trash leopard chicks,  and what do you do? You embark on this male gay love non-sequitor with Lafayette and his gay latino lover. 

Now,  I have gay friends,  I have straight friends,  I have friends that I would not trust alone at home with my pets...but for Gods sake,  I do not want to see Lafayette getting his tongue waxed inside Mr. Cuban love "matchine".  When I think of "say hello to my little freiend",  I think Pacino in Scarface,  not the other "little friend".


Let's make a deal.  I am willing to give up some vampire girl-on-girl (which I consider sensitive and sweet) and one Sookie nude scene if you promise no more Lafayette gay tonsil hockey...

Sleepless

Saying

"Even monkeys fall from trees..."

Took me a second to figure this one out,  but it is really funny.

Girl With the Dragon Tatoo

I just saw the Swedish version.  The movie was great.  The characters were alive and real,  the story was action packed,  and there were no special effects.  Now a US version is coming up.  Odds are that there will be too much gratuitous sex (if there is such a thing)  and at least four blow up scenes including a car flying out of a window and into a swimming pool.  Do we have such ADHD that we cannot even watch a movie without Hollywood "overproduction".  Hope I am wrong...

Sleepless